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emergencyIf you are reporting a serious threat of violence, suicide or death threat, bomb threat, etc., please email emergency@wikimedia.org with the relevant information - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/WP:EMERGENCY
csdCategory: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/CAT:CSD | Policy: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/WP:CSD
spartaThis... is... SPARTA!!!
m4a1ACTION Swiss Cheeses $1.
m16ACTION gives $1 a lead enema.
minigunACTION pumps $1 full of lead.
huntingrifleACTION declares open season on $1.
stabACTION drives a knife into $1's torso.
whaleACTION throws a rather large whale at $1.
pianoACTION drops a grand piano onto $1's head.
flamethrowerACTION OMGWTFBBQ's $1.
mYou're doing good, $1! Keep it up!
scarACTION guns $1 down.
helpFor help with this bot, see https://meta.wikimedia.org/wiki/Wm-bot. For a list of commands, see https://docs.google.com/document/d/1zfGh9timItyJDBA9hNNgdoN5WDZ3iZ5fwPGwIMLlGj8.
wineACTION pours $1 a glass of wine.
chainsawACTION makes mincemeat out of $1.
sledgeACTION turns $1 into a pancake.
punch2ACTION gives $1 the 'ol one-two.
punch3ACTION lays $1 out with a cheap shot.
punch4ACTION shows $1 the eye of the tiger.
punch5ACTION makes n00bsauce out of $1.
beerACTION hands $1 a beer, courtesy of $infobot_nick!
phoACTION hands $1 a bowl of tasty warm pho.
noodleACTION gives $1 a plate of fried noodles.
abusefilterhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:AbuseFilter/$1 - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:AbuseLog?wpSearchFilter=$1
nachosACTION serves up a platter of nachos and dip.
riceACTION hands $1 a steaming bowl of steamed rice.
bat2ACTION knocks $1 out of the park.
bat3ACTION plays t-ball with $1's head.
bat4ACTION grand slams $1.
glock2ACTION busts a cap into $1.
glock3ACTION hits $1 right between the eyes.
eatACTION grabs a fork and a knife and cannibalizes $1.
cookiesACTION produces a baking tray filled with freshly baked cookies!
osThe fastest way to contact an oversighter is to email oversight-en-wp@wikipedia.org or use https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:EmailUser/Oversight. See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/WP:RFO for alternative methods.
punch6ACTION PWNS $1.
punch7ACTION makes $1 fear the reaper.
punch8ACTION puts $1 down for the count.
punch9ACTION handles $1 heavy-handedly.
pillowACTION slips a pillow underneath $1's head.
friday$infobot_nick: Oh, please don't mention that God-awful song.
seenThis command is disabled on this channel. Please use "/msg wm-bot @seen $1" instead. Thanks.
tacoACTION gives $1 a real Mexican taco, not the Taco Bell crap.
birthdaycakeACTION bakes $1 a delicious birthday cake. Blow out the candles! Oh, and happy birthday!
baconACTION gives $1 a plate of juicy bacon.
sushiACTION gives $1 several small plates of tasty sashimi and rice.
borschtACTION hands $1 a steaming bowl of hearty borscht.
sandwichACTION makes $1 a PB&J sandwich.
puppiesACTION gives $1 a bouquet of puppers!
vodkaACTION pours $1 a shot of strong Russian vodka.
mimosaACTION pours a goblet of Champagne, adds a drop of orange juice, and slides it to $1
afchttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Articles_for_creation - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:WikiProject_Articles_for_creation/Submissions - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Pending_AfC_submissions
fartlets out a one cheek sneak and wafts it upon $1
notwikiDon't abbreviate "Wikipedia" as "Wiki"! That's like calling the Eiffel Tower "Tower" (e.g. "I visited the Tower in France yesterday"). UGH! http://enwp.org/WP:NOTWIKI
greenteapours $1 a nice, warm cup of green tea.
lattebrews up a perfectly good coffee then adds milk, butter, a brick of chocolate topped with two scoops of ice cream and hands it to $1
beammeupI cannae do et cap'n, I do nae have the power
fanwaves a paper fan at $1 and feeds them frozen grapes
breadbakes $1 a loaf of bread.
chaingunbelt feeds $1.
doabarrelroll¡ʇᴉ ƃuᴉop ɯ,I
askI have a question: Can you stop asking questions?
smoresbreaks out the graham crackers, chocolate, marshmallows, and campfire.
pizzabakes $1 a delicious pizza with their favourite toppings.
hotpocketcooks up a Hot Pocket (r) to a piping 5000K and hucks it at $1.
samosaprepares a batch of fried samosas and gives it to $1.
pancakeswhips up a dozen flapjacks, stacks them a mile high on the same platter, and serves it to everyone in the channel.
pancakeprepares a single pancake, pours some maple syrup over it, and serves it to $1.
coffeefailattempts to make coffee, but fumbles and spills it all over $1.
tavorgoes scarface on $1.
popcornheats up kernels of corn until they pop, pours some melted butter over them, and hands the snack to $1.
abuseloghttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:AbuseLog/$1 (For specific users, see !uabuselog. For specific pages, see !pabuselog. For specific filters, see !abusefilter)
makemeasandwich*poof* You're a sandwich! 😛
lennyface( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
kicksends $1 flying for a good ten metres with a well placed roundhouse kick to the torso.
smoothietosses some fruit, yogurt, and ice into a blender, purees until smooth, then pours it out and serves it to $1.
milkshakethrows a splash of milk, a scoop of vanilla ice cream, and some chocolate syrup into a blender, mixes until it's smooth, and serves it immediately to $1.
icecreamfloatscoops some ice cream into a cold glass of soda and serves it to $1.
whatiszerodividedbyzeroImagine dividing zero cookies amongst zero friends. See, it doesn't make sense. Cookie Monster is sad because there are no cookies. And you are sad because you have no friends.
whenamiThe present, of course. TARDIS functionality is still undergoing development. Sorry!
whoshotfirstI bet it was a member of the band.
sockthrows a smelly sock at $1.
garlicbreadbakes $1 a delicious baguette of garlic bread.
translate$infobot_nick: Please use "@translate $*" instead
beerfailattempts to send $1 a mug of beer, but throws it a little too hard and sends the liquid splashing all over $1.
milkpours $1 a glass of milk.
teafailis about to pour $1 a cup of tea, but tips the teapot over a little too much and sends hot tea splashing all over $1's lap.
whoshotthesheriffBob Marley. But he didn't shoot the deputy, if that makes a difference.
kill$infobot_nick: That seems a little extreme, don't you think?
slap2backhands $1.
slap3slaps $1 around a bit with his robot hand.
soymilkpours $1 a glass of soymilk.
bombstuffs a bomb down $1's pants. The bomb blows up before $1 can do anything about it!
flamethrower2incinerates $1.
flamethrower3commits arson on $1.
flamethrower4burns $1 alive.
flamethrower5sets $1 ablaze.
tntstraps $1 to a bunch of TNT and detonates them.
icecreamfailis about to scoop some ice cream into a cone for $1, but drops it onto the ground instead. Oops! $1 watches in dismay as the scoop of ice cream melts into a goopy puddle.
glock4shoots $1 in the face (Boom! Headshot!)
slap4slippity-slaps $1 until they see stars.
sledge2ganks $1 with a sledge.
machetejumps out of the jungle and slashes $1 with a machete.
machete2grabs a bolo and hacks $1's limbs off with it.
icedteapours $1 a refreshing glass of iced tea.
lemonteapours $1 a nice, warm cup of lemon tea and garnishes it with another lemon.
chocolatemilkpours $1 a glass of milk with chocolate syrup in it!
bat5Babe Ruth's $1.
machete3Jason Voorhees's $1.
lasersworduses the force on $1.
chainsaw2saws $1 off to sleep.
chainsaw3chainsaw massacres $1.
railgunschools $1 in magnetism.
railgun2shows $1 what a rod is.
chaingun2Hasta La Vista's $1.
flamethrower6torches $1.
railgun3rearranges $1's atoms.
lasersword3shows $1 the dark side.
chaingun3annihilates $1.
railgun4fires teh lazer at $1.
railgun5SHOOP DA WHOOP's $1.
railgun6turns $1 into anti-matter.
shotgun2double-barrels $1.
shotgun3tells $1 off with a sawed-off.
huntingrifle2mistakes $1 for a quail.
huntingrifle3duck hunts $1.
shotgun4boomsticks $1.
lasersword4becomes the father of $1.
railgun7sends $1 back to the future.
shotgun5sends $1 back to the civil war.
huntingrifle4poaches $1.
glock5gansta grip's $1.
shotgun612-gauges $1.
railgun8turns $1 into dark matter.
flamethrower7flambé's $1.
flamethrower8fires $1 for gross incompetence.
flamethrower9melts $1's face off.
flamethrower10sends $1 to the burn ward.
flamethrower11kicks $1 up a notch (Bam!)
chaingun4shows $1 high-caliber.
flamethrower12serves $1 up extra-crispy.
chainsaw4logs a kill off $1.
flamethrower13burninates $1.
flamethrower14extinguishes $1 with fire.
railgun9performs laser eye surgery on $1.
chainsaw5Paul Bunyan's $1.
punch10K.O.'s $1 — fatality!
punch11Mike Tyson's $1.
winefailpours too much wine into $1's glass, too quickly. The glass tips over and spills its contents all over $1.
bat6slugs $1.
bat7combines bat and $1 to make corpse.
lasersword2does kill $1 (There was no try).
macandcheesespoons some pipin' hot mac and cheese into a bowl for $1.
hotdogplaces a hot wiener on bun and hands it to $1.
saladtosses some leafy greens and lentils together into a bowl and serves it to $1.
burgergrills a patty, slices some tomatoes and iceberg lettuce, puts them together inside some buns, and serves it to $1.
pattyprepares a warm, delicious Jamaican patty for $1.
poutinegrabs some French fries, tops it with cheese curds and gravy, and serves it to $1.
friesslices up a potato, deep-fries it to perfection, adds some salt, and serves it to $1.
cupcakebakes a cupcake, puts some icing on it, and hands it to $1.
hotdogfailis about to hand $1 a delicious hot dog, but alas, the wiener slips out of the bun and lands on the ground.
milkshakefailthrows some milk, ice cream, and chocolate syrup into a blender and starts blending it. However, the lid for the blender goes flying, turning the blender into a sugary fountain that covers $1 in milkshake.
machete4guerrilla's $1.
pancakefailis cooking up a flapjack when, trying to look impressive, throws the pancake up into the air. He throws it a little bit too hard and sends the pancake flying into $1's face.
canadaEh? 🍁
fireworkslaunches several firecrackers into the air, filling the sky with coloured streaks of light.
throwgrabs $1 by their hair, swings them around his head, and throws them across the room effortlessly.
surprisesurprises $1 with a scary Halloween mask! ...and some cookies and cake and champagne.
surprisefailflatly tells $1 to show up on time for their surprise party, then hides behind couch.
tacofail"accidentally" drops $1's taco and steps on it.
bombfailstuffs a bomb down $1's pants, but it fails to detonate! $1 quickly pulls it out of their pants, rearms it, and throws it back at $infobot_nick. The bomb blows $infobot_nick to smithereens!
burgerfailis about to serve $1 a delicious hamburger, but trips on an untied shoelace and sends the burger flying into $1's face.
dumbbellhands $1 a $2 lbs dumbbell.
dumbbellfailis about to hand $1 a $2 lbs dumbbell, but drops it onto their foot instead.
sodafills a glass up with refreshing, carbonated soda and gives it to $1.
sodacanshakes a can of soda and hands it to $1.
sodafailrushes to fill up a glass with the sweet, carbonated soda and hurries towards $1. However, in their rush, they trip and send the contents of the glass splashing all over $1.
juicepours $1 a nice glass of fruit juice.
juicefailpours $1 a glass of fruit juice. When $1 is about to drink it, however, they accidentally spill the drink onto themselves. Now $1 is a very sticky (and juicy!) person.
chipsopens a bag of salted potato chips, pours some out into a bowl, and gives it to $1.
noodle2gives $1 a bowl of noodles in soup.
pizzafailis walking towards $1 with their pizza when he slips on some oil and sends the hot pizza flying into $1's face.
punch12Chuck Norris's $1.
sandwich2makes $1 a chicken salad sandwich.
sandwich3makes $1 a turkey bacon club sandwich.
sandwich4makes $1 a BLT (Bacon, Lettuce, Tomato) sandwich.
sandwich5makes $1 an egg salad sandwich.
katana2Hattori Hanzo's $1.
cheeseslices up a block of aged cheese and serves it to $1.
cheese2grates a block of aged cheese and serves it to $1.
chocolategives $1 a bag filled with "fun-sized" chocolate bars.
bagelbakes $1 a bagel, and serves some optional butter, cream cheese, and smoked salmon along with it.
cakebakes $1 a delicious cake.
piebakes $1 a hearty pie.
sandwich7makes $1 a lunch meat sandwich.
sandwich8makes $1 a cheese sandwich, grills it until the cheese is gooey, and serves it to $1.
popcornfailis about to hand $1 a bowl of popcorn when he drops it by accident, spilling the buttery popped kernels all over the floor.
hotpocketfailis about to send $1 a steaming hot pocket when he trips over the trash can, sending the oven-hot hot pocket flying into $1's face, giving them severe third-degree burns.
quesadillafills up a corn tortilla with cheese, folds it over, grills it until the cheese is melted, and then serves it to $1.
actisis $*
pierogiwraps unleavened dough around some potatoes and cheese, cooks the dumpling in boiling water, and serves it to $1.
cerealpours $1 a bowl of cereal and slides a pitcher of milk and some sliced fruit along with it.
breakfastprepares a morning meal of buttered toast, scrambled eggs, bacon, hashbrowns, and a selection of coffee, tea, juice, and milk.
breakfast2prepares a morning meal of noodles, congee, youtiao, salted duck eggs, dim sum, and a selection of tea or soy milk.
lunchprepares a midday meal of steamed rice, cooked vegetables, stewed meat, and some potato chips, along with a glass of fruit juice.
lunch2prepares a midday meal of rice, curry, legumes, fish, and Indian sauces, along with a glass of water.
dinnerprepares an evening meal of pasta, meat, potatoes, and peas, along with a selection of wine, sparkling juice, and plain water.
dinner2prepares an evening meal of noodles, Peking duck, dumplings, green onions, and choy sum, along with no shortage of vinegar, soy sauce, and oyster sauce.
crackersgives $1 a plate of unsalted soda crackers.
sandwich9slips some cheese, ham, tomatoes, and salami between some ciabatta, warms it in a pie iron, and serves it to $1.
breakfast3prepares a morning meal of corn tortillas, rice, beans, steak, and onions, topped with strong black coffee and milk.
breakfast4prepares a morning meal of cooked fava beans, pita bread, cheese, and a boiled egg, seasoned with chopped parsley and tomatoes.
puppyhands over a fresh, completely non-potty trained, 'lil pup to $1. Both wag their tails excitedly.
puppyfailgives $1 the last pick of the litter. Pup gives a lick, bites a finger, and then lets loose on the carpet.
sardinesopens a can of the small, oily fish, spoons it out onto a plate, and serves it to $1.
lunch3prepares a midday meal of rice, beans, salad, meat, fish, and farofa, along with a selection of coffee, coconut water, and caipirinha.
spaghetticooks $1 a delicious plate of spaghetti, and gives them the option to add meatballs, cheese, or pesto sauce onto it.
breakfast5prepares a morning meal of baguettes and butter, followed by brioches and croissants, and some coffee or hot chocolate.
breakfast6prepares a morning meal of breakfast cereal and milk, some strawberries, waffles, sausages, and orange juice.
burpbelches loudly in front of $1.
almondmilkpours $1 a glass of almond milk. "You'll go nuts!" he adds.
watermelondelicately removes every seed from an ice cold slice of watermelon and hands it to $1.
eggfries an egg sunny side up and serves it to $1.
egg2pops an egg into a pot full of water, boils it until it's cooked, and serves the hard-boiled egg to $1.
spamopens a can of spam and spams $1 with a plate of spammy spam spam.
spamfailopens a can of spam but gets overwhelmed with the spamminess of the spammy spam spam and spams $1 with spammy spam spam and spam and spam and more spam spamspamspamspamspam.
fartfailtries desperately to let one off in front of $1, but only succeeds in making rather... interesting... strenuous noises.
granolabarbakes into a bar some rolled oats, nuts, and honey, seals it into a pouch, and hands it to $1.
hamslices up a slab of pork that had been salted to the point of lasting another 50 years and serves it to $1.
mrehands $1 a package of Meal Ready to Eat packs, which includes a main course, a dessert, a powdered drink, and an energy bar, along with a plastic spoon to eat it with and a flameless ration heater to optionally cook it.
dinner3prepares an evening meal of miso soup, grilled fish, salad, rice, and rice cakes, along with some hot green tea.
sayhiHello $infobot_nick!
sayhitoHello $*!
ginpours a tall glass of gin, splashes some tonic in the general vicinity of the glass, and hands it to $1.
skynetShh... We don't want people to know.
wikipediaholicHow do you score on the [[WP:Wikipediholism test]]? Find out ---> http://tools.wmflabs.org/apersonbot/wikipediholism-test/
whoamiYou are $infobot_nick! ...Or did you mean to use "@whoami" instead?
wmbotbugFound a bug with the bot? Report it at https://phabricator.wikimedia.org/maniphest/task/create/?projects=wm-bot&assign=Petrb
mycloak$infobot_nick, if you have a cloak, it is currently $infobot_host. If not, and if you want one, see https://meta.wikimedia.org/wiki/IRC/Cloaks
mynick$infobot_nick, your current nickname is $infobot_nick. Do you need a mirror? Or a thermometer?
pourtips $1 over and pours them out.
imateapot♪ I'm a little teapot short and stout. Here is my handle, here is my spout. When I get all steamed up hear me shout: "Tip me over and pour me out!" ♪
lasersword5cauterizes $1.
katana3iron chef's $1.
katana4fillets $1.
katana5dices $1 julienne style.
katana6turns $1 into a blood fountain.
chaingun5Schwarzenegger's $1.
beansTelling someone not to do something (e.g. stuffing beans up one's nose) usually has the opposite effect and makes them want to do it more. See http://enwp.org/WP:BEANS. By the way, beans are de-li-cious!
electrocutestraps his pads around $1 and delivers a lethal 5,000,000 volts.
blockhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Block/$wiki_encoded_* - Log: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Log?type=block&page=User:$url_encoded_*
shutupIf you need me to stop talking in a channel, you can use the "@suppress-on" command for that (You can turn output back on via "@suppress-off"). Only admins can do this; use "@whoami" to see if you are one.
pickleopens a jar of gherkins immersed in spring water and hands it to $1.
wednesday@mlock You have 48 hours!
partypoopkills the music and turns on all the lights
musicfires up a stereo and turns up the volume.
firedismisses $1 with an aerosol can and a lighter.
sundayarm wrestles Pope Gregory XIII, gets another weekend day added. Happy Smundsday!
postQuit asking if you should post it, you coulda posted it already!
byeSee you soon! Bye!
applegives $1 an apple and reminds them that it'll keep anyone away—if they throw it hard enough.
dessertprepares a sweet course of a chocolate mousse and some nectarine tartelette.
dessert2prepares a sweet course of chocolate cake and some sliced fruit.
dessert3prepares a sweet course of apple pie with cinnamon and some cookies on the side.
dessert4prepares a sweet course of douhua and red bean soup.
cheesecakebakes $1 a graham cracker cake with cream, soft cheese, and some fruit sauce.
frypushes $1 into a deep fryer filled with hot oil and puts a lid over it.
flamethrower15burns $1 to ashes.
sushifailrolls up some badly prepared, parasite-infected sashimi into the rice and seaweed and carelessly tosses it to $1, spilling most of the contents in the process.
vodkafailpours $1 a glass of water and tells them that it's vodka. When $1 takes a sip and glares at $infobot_nick, wm-bot throws the glass into their face.
baconfailburns $1's bacon to a smoking crisp, dumps some ketchup on top of it, and tosses it onto a plate.
bagelfailburns $1's bagel and spends the next half an hour scraping off the blackened chunks with a butter knife. He then puts some ketchup on it and tosses it into a bowl.
breadfailattempts to bake $1 a loaf of bread, but leaves it in the oven for too long, burning it to ashes. wm-bot takes the ashes out, "cuts" it with a breadknife, adds some butter, and serves it to $1.
cakefailmakes $1 a "chocolate" cake... consisting of mud, rocks, and worms. Apologizing for the "mishap", wm-bot makes $1 a "sponge" cake... using a dishwashing sponge.
cerealfailpours into a bowl the crumbs at the bottom of the cereal box and hands it to $1, neglecting the milk and the fruits.
champagne2pops the corks of two bottles of champagne, which hits $infobot_nick in both the left and right eyes.
champagneuncorks a bottle of champagne and sprays it at everyone. He then opens a second bottle and properly fills up some wine glasses with it.
champagnefailproduces a bottle of champagne that had been uncorked three years ago and carelessly pours it out into some champagne glasses, spilling most of the liquid out onto the table.
cheesefailgives $1 a block of cheese that had been aged... on the countertop. It is covered in fuzzy, greenish-blue mold and looks completely unrecognizable.
drunkgives $1 a beer to help him/her sober up and summons an Uber.
friesfailshaves a potato paper thin and fries them until they're all burnt to ashes before shoving the mess onto $1's plate.
dieno u
trustedI trust no one, not even myself! ... For a more meaningful response, try "@trusted" instead.
cuddlegently wraps his robot arms around $1. As he whispers sweet binary, his ratcheting arms clamp tighter and tighter..
kissleans forward and places his robotic lips on $1's forehead and delivers an electrifying kiss.
ricefailadds too much water to the rice (but not enough to make congee), leaving a disgusting, mushy mess behind. To make matters worse, wm-bot "accidentally" drops this pathetic excuse for rice onto $1's lap.
birthdaycakefailbakes a delicious birthday cake and gives it to $1, but when they're about to blow out the candles, $infobot_nick pushes their face into the cake, burning their face on the candles, while wm-bot laughs and takes a picture.
drunkfail$1 is so drunk that they wind up puking all over the floor. wm-bot and $infobot_nick leave them out on the floor facing up to "sleep it off" and ignore them.
drinkfeeds $1 to the Cowplant (https://goo.gl/OtX3A4), milks the plant, and drinks them. wm-bot gains 5 days of life!
eggfailcracks an egg into a frying pan but runs halfway through the cooking process to answer the phone. The egg is neglected and burns to a charred crisp. wm-bot dumps the blackened mess onto $1's plate and calls it a day.
milkfailaccidentally tips the pitcher of milk over and spills the liquid onto $1. wm-bot and $infobot_nick cry over it.
sandwich6makes a sandwich of chicken, bacon, lettuce, tomatoes, and lots of mayo sandwiched between three slices of bread and held together by hors d'œuvre sticks. wm-bot serves this club sandwich to k6ka.
sodacanfaildelivers a cold can of soda to $1. When $1 opens it, however, it explodes, sending sticky soda all over $1's face and clothes. wm-bot and $infobot_nick snicker in the background.
waterfailis filling up a glass with water when the tap goes insane! While trying to control the torrent of water, wm-bot accidentally directs the spray of water at $1, soaking them to the bone.
applefailhands $1 an apple that has worms and razor blades hiding inside. $1 bites into the apple and wind up with a bloody mouth filled with dirty, wiggly things!
tableflip(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
punch13mistakes $1 for a punching bag.
punch14shows $1 who is the greatest.
chipsfailpunches the bag of chips before opening it, pours the crushed potato chips into a bowl, adds some ketchup to it, and serves it to $1.
slap5slaps $1 across the face with one swift blow.
YASYAS! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gfAMycSPLh0
spaghettifailbreaks apart the spaghetti before putting it in the pot, boils it until it's mushy and disgustingly soft, slips some worms under the tomato sauce and cheese, and serves the meal to $1.
failfailcongratulates $1 for not screwing up for a change.
pokepokes $1 with his pointy metal finger.
dealwithit(•_•) ( •_•)>⌐■-■ (⌐■_■)
niteynite(- o - ) zzZ ☽
herculestableflip(/ .□.)\ ︵╰(゜Д゜)╯︵ /(.□. \)
flashlightpoints a flashlight at $*.
pointatpoints his robot finger at $*.
macandcheesefailburns the macaroni, tosses an ungrated block of cheese on top of the blackened mess, and serves it to $1.
candyfills up $1's pillowcase with lots of candy.
nocandyYou get no candy from me, $1!
happybirthdayOn behalf of everyone in the channel, we would like to wish $* a very happy birthday today!
tablefix(ノ^_^)ノ┻━┻ ┬─┬ ノ( ^_^ノ)
magictableflip(/¯◡ ‿ ◡)/¯ ~ ┻━┻
cigarettehands $1 a cigarette and a lighter.
glompruns towards $1, picks them up with his robot arms, and squeezes them tightly. (づ ̄ ³ ̄)づ
ragequit(ノಥ益ಥ)ノ ┻━┻
tableflippedme┬─┬ ︵ /(.□. \)
whiskypours $1 a mighty fine glass of whisky.
bourbonpours $1 a glass of Kentucky bourbon.
pursesmacks $1 around with Mrs. CrumpleBottom's purse filled with concrete doing 9000 HP of damage!
slap6slaps $1 up and down with a burned out 600W power supply.
turkeyroasts an entire turkey, carves it into neat pieces, and serves it to everyone in the channel.
turkeyfailgets his head stuck into the turkey while stuffing it, and spends half an hour running around with a raw turkey on his head. He finally gets it off, shoves it in the oven, and burns it to a crisp. The whole channel reeks of burnt turkey now!
colaopens a bottle of ice-cold Coca-Cola, fills up a glass, and serves it to $1.
cola2opens a bottle of ice-cold Pepsi, fills up a glass, and serves it to $1.
cola3opens a bottle of ice-cold Coca-Cola and a bottle of Pepsi, pours both into a glass, and serves the mixture to $1.
colafailapologizes to $1 and serves a flat lukewarm Pepsi.
colafail2grabs a plastic bottle of cola that had been sitting in a hot car for too long, pours it into a cheap Styrofoam cup, does a little dance, trips, and sends the drink flying into $1's face, making them sticky and sweet.
icecreamfail2pours some cream into a bowl, adds some ice cubes to it, and gives it to $1.
kissfailmoves in for a kiss, making suggestive smooching noises, but misses and bangs his skull into $1's mouth instead, chipping their front teeth.
kiss2kisses $1 gently on the cheek, like an affectionate sibling or cousin, and rubs their back.
hugfailextends his arms out too suddenly for a hug and winds up accidentally smacking $1 across the face instead.
mountaindewpours $1 a refreshing glass of Mountain Dew.
mountaindewfail, knowing that Mountain Dew is a piss-yellow colour when poured out, unzips his pants, urinates into a green Mountain Dew bottle, puts the cap back on, and hands it to $1.
piefailprepares a delicious apple pie, which he promptly throws into $1's face.
pillowfailslips a few cockroaches into a pillowcase and slides the vermin-infested pillow underneath $1's head.
saladfailthrows together some leafy greens, slips some worms and slugs into it, and serves it to $1.
spaghettifail2prepares an innocent-looking plate of spaghetti and meatballs, slips some worms into it, and gives it to $1.
doughnutbakes $1 a chocolate dip doughnut.
doughnut2bakes $1 an old fashioned doughnut.
doughnut3bakes $1 a chocolate glazed doughnut.
doughnut4bakes $1 a maple dip doughnut.
doughnut5bakes $1 a rainbow sprinkles doughnut.
doughnutfailslips a doughnut into his underwear, spends the whole day running around, pulls the fried cake out of his pants and gives it to $1.
doughnutfail2burns $1's doughnut to a crisp, squirts some ketchup and mustard, and randomly sprinkles some rainbow sprinkles on top.
ginfailslips a roofie into a glass of gin, garnishes it with a rotten olive, and slides it over to $1.
glock6rubs $1 out.
glock7assassinates $1.
punch15assaults $1.
punch16violates $1.
punch17gets personal (and physical) with $1.
punch18knocks $1's front teeth out with a well placed uppercut to the chin.
slap7slaps $1 around a bit with a large magikarp doing 15 damage!
slap8slaps $1 around a bit with a gigantic trout.
rakerakes $1 over the coals.
noodlefailburns $1's noodles to a smoldering crisp and adds some ketchup to it.
noodlefail2leaves $1's noodles in the pot for too long, turning it into a soggy, disgusting mess.
tequilapours $1 a shot of real Mexican tequila.
amarettopours $1 a glass of sweet amaretto.
martinitosses together some gin and dry vermouth, stirs it together with ice, pours it into a chilled cocktail glass, garnishes it with an olive, and serves it to $1.
amfthrows together some vodka, rum, tequila, gin, curaçao, lime juice, and lemon lime soda into a glass filled with ice, stirs it gently, and serves the Adios, Motherf**ker to $1.
pinacoladamixes together some rum, coconut milk, and pineapple juice with some crushed ice, pours it into a glass, garnishes with a pineapple, and serves the piña colada to $1.
collinsmixes together some gin, lemon juice, and soda water into a Collins glass with ice, garnishes it with a lemon, and serves the Tom Collins to $1.
shirleytemplemixes together some ginger ale and a splash of grenadine, garnishes it with a maraschino cherry, and serves the drink to $1.
royrogersmixes together some cola and grenadine, garnishes with a maraschino cherry, and serves it to $1.
150proofrumpours $1 an entire glass of 150 Proof Rum and dares them to drink it all.
tequilafailheavily dilutes a glass of tequila with tonic water, adds a glob of saliva to it, and carelessly tosses it at $1.
whiskyfailpours $1 a very crappy glass of whisky that had been diluted with water. It also had laxatives in it.
tequilafail2hands $1 a bottle of tequila and watches them consume most of it, tear off all their clothes, and then proceed to vomit all over all the sketchy hookers they'd brought in.
sandwichfailputs some sand between two slices of stale bread and gives it to $1.
congeefailadds way too much water to the congee and neglects to add enough rice, resulting in a very watery, tasteless gruel for $1 to eat. Drink, almost. There are also rice weevils swimming around in the liquid.
cookiefailburns a cookie to ashes, sprinkles some chocolate chips on top, and tosses it at $1.
cookiefail2eats all of the cookie dough, leaving nothing for $1.
eggfail2pops an egg into a pot of water and starts boiling it. He boils the egg for far too long at a flame far too hot, causing the egg to crack and to spill its contents into the pot. wm-bot serves the unpalatable mess onto $1's plate, complete with cracked bits of eggshell in the yolks.
revdelUse {{Copyvio-revdel}} for copyvio revdels; for all other revdels, contact an admin PRIVATELY via email OR at #wikipedia-en-revdel - see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/WP:REVDELREQUEST
scotchpours $1 a fine glass of Scottish Scotch whisky.
eggnogmixes together egg and nog to make eggnog, slides a glass over to $1, and offers them cooked-egg and alcoholic alternatives.
eggnogfailmixes 21 year old scotch into eggnog while on pain meds and spills it all over $1.
goodafternoonGood afternoon, $*! 🌞
goodmorningGood morning, $*! 🌅
goodeveningGood evening, $*! 🌇
goodnightGood night, $*! 🌝
flowerssends $1 some wonderful smelling flowers! ✿❀❁
muffinbakes $1 a delicious chocolate chip muffin.
muffin2bakes $1 a blueberry muffin.
muffin3gives $1 an English muffin, singing "Oh yes I am the muffin man; The muffin man, the muffin man; Oh yes I am the muffin man; I live on Drury Lane!"
cakefail2leaves $1's cake in the oven for far too long, burning it to a blackened crisp. wm-bot sticks the mess into the fridge to "cool it off" and dumps the hunk onto $1's plate.
flaxpours an ample amount of flax seeds into $1's hands, just enough to have a calming effect.
coffeepours $1 a cup of coffee.
slapslaps $1 silly.
teapours $1 a cup of tea, Earl Grey, hot.
troutwhacks $1 around a bit with a large trout.
punchfeeds $1 a knuckle sandwich.
shotgungives $1 a faceful of buckshot.
glockrocks $1 with a glock.
batsends $1 back to minor league.
hammerteaches $1 about hammer time.
ak47empties a clip into $1.
waterpours $1 a glass of water.
huggives $1 a warm, friendly hug.
congeehands $1 a steaming bowl of congee.
icecreamcoffeeslaps $1 for even thinking about such an abomination... shame on you!
gingeralehands $1 a glass of ginger ale.
katanamakes sushi out of $1.
icecreamgives $1 a bowl of ice cream!
hotchocolatepours $1 a mug of sweet, delicious hot chocolate with marshmallows inside.
hotchocolatefailmakes a mug of hot chocolate and leaves it by the open window, allowing it to cool down (cold chocolate?). wm-bot then throws the contents into $1's face.
hotchocolatefail2makes a mug of very hot chocolate and "accidentally" spills it onto $1, giving them severe third-degree burns.
partyWoo! Party! 🎉
medicinesits down with $*, talks to them over a cup of lemon tea, prepares a diagnosis, and prescribes them some medicine for them to get well on.
medicinefailproduces a stethoscope, plays doctor for a bit, looks at $*'s genitals, then throws them some Tylenol laced with street drugs and tells them to take it every three hours.
flaxfailpours some rotten flax seeds into $1's hands and wishes them Godspeed in the bathroom.
steakprepares for $* a delicious Angus steak in just the right level of doneness for them.
mlermmlerms $*
fandomUgh, you've got to be kidding me! It's !wikia $wiki_encoded_* you disgusting fleabag!
excommunicatedeclares $* to be excommunicated from the cabal, effective immediately!!!!!!!!!!!!
excommunicatefaildeclares $* to be excommunicated from the cabal, effective immediately but forgets the secret passcode and thus excommunicates themselves
steakfailburns a steak to ashes, dumps it onto a plate, squirts some ketchup on it, and then slides the blackened mess over to $*.
fishserves $* some charbroiled fish.
fish2serves $* some poached fish.
fish3serves $* some fried fish.
fishfailslaps $* with the fish instead of cooking it for them.
fishfail2serves $* some rotten fish that had already been dismembered by seagulls.
fish4serves $* some steamed fish.
maskgives $* a box of medical masks.